another moral hangover. fuck.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize