i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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