Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
