i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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