hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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