do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's never too late to be topless.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
