Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
