What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
