He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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