Michael Bay diarrhea
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize