At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
