how can u be prego again
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
