you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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