I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
