did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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