I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
