so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
