Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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