billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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