you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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