God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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