I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
