You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
