I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
