it's great music for shaving your balls
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
