Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
