It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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