JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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