I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
please come you make the beer taste better
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
