margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
