Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize