Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize