did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
