walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
