I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
