Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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