i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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