im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
