How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There's even glitter on my cock...
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