He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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