i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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