Pappa wants mamma naked
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
