return my video game
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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