Nicole vs. Life
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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