My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
