Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
