"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My bed smells like the plague
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
