I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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