$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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