did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
