He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
