I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
