Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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