maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
