You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
