I puked a lego.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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