the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
