She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
