It was confusing and full of hummus
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
