sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
