i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize