one two three fourrrrnication!
Small penises have feelings too.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
