Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think my vagina is haunted
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
