sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
