so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
