Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
