I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The feeling are messing with the penis
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
