Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
