He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I will pee on everything he values.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
