Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
