I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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