youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize