Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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