"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
