As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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