i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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