I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
