and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
