Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
