I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just took my morning after pill in the library
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Randomize
