Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
