my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
