oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
