You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
