he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
