fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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