I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
