Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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