Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
